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Wayback Wednesday: A little too literal-minded

opinion
Sep 16, 20202 mins
Computers and Peripherals

But you DID demo it that way.

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

This pilot fish takes a job teaching at a local college, and his office is right next to the IT department.

“I helped out between classes when the IT guys were swamped,” says fish. “One day while the IT staff was out to lunch, I heard the phone ring and no one was manning the help desk, so I fielded the call.”

The caller is the office manager, and she’s complaining that her printer won’t print. Fish doesn’t have a class for a couple of hours, so he decides to see what he can do and heads to her office.

Turns out the fix is simple: The printer is out of paper. Fish explains this to the office manager, who asks fish where she should get paper from. Fish shrugs — that’s not his department.

OK, says office manager, but how do I load paper into the printer? Fish goes to a different printer and grabs the top sheet of paper, then shows the office manager how to open her printer’s paper drawer and put the paper in.

He closes the drawer. The sheet prints. The office manager is happy, and tells fish she’ll have one of her staff get more paper later.

Fish grabs lunch, teaches his class and returns to his office — where the IT manager is waiting for him. The office manager is furious, IT manager says. Her complaint now: The printing process is so slow that it’s useless to her, and she wants fish to return and fix the problem pronto.

“When I returned to her desk, I asked her to show me the problem,” fish says. “She sent a multipage document to the printer. She then went to the printer and opened the paper drawer and inserted one sheet. When that sheet printed, she inserted the next sheet. She said she never had to do this before and the process was unacceptable!

“I put a stack of paper in the drawer and left with the printer running.”

sharky

Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

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Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.

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